I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize