she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
