She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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