god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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