After last night, I could never be a politician.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think i have two assholes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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