Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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