just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
