: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
