my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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