I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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