I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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