a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
