My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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