Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
