Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
