there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
