Cold hands, warm shart.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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