I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
