careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize