the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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