sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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