I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
