after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
