when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
handjob tips. give me some.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
