so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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