I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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