3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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