The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
