how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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