watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
farters have to be the big spoon...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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