worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i think i just lost a toe
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
