Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
