...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
