I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
