Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
