I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
