I think my vagina is haunted
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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