I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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