I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
