I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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