Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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