I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
