I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
