Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
