when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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