in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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