I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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