conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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