do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize