She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
