btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
