don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
