sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have fence marks all over my body
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
