yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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