on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Terrible idea I love it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
