Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
be right there i have to get my cape
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
