Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
