So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
