Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
