Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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