loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
