great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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