I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you traded sex for a burrito?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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