I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am midnight drunk by noon
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
