Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
