Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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