i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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