Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
