So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
