My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
