True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize