Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
