who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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