I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
