You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
