You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
