Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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