is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
