Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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