We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
