im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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