i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
