i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
