whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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