you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
