And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
not ubering you a puppy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
