Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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