CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
