note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
