Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
