Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
