You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
