your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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